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It's sunday. I had a dream where i had a friend. That's it, just a dream about having a friend. But i was very happy
with him. Anyway. Today i have to go to the hospital for a scheduled blood analysis. I don't want to leave my room, i'd
rather sleep all day, but i can't do that. So after brushing my teeth and taking a shower. I'm on my way to the hospital,
wondering what will happen today, it might or not be a good day. Today could or not change my life. I don't think today
will be special or any different than any other day, but i should at least recognize the possibility, too much negativity
is never good for you.
After arriving at the hospital, i sit down in the waiting room, i'm about 10 minutes early. While waiting for my turn i
check my phone to see what's going on around the world. There's the usual stuff you'd find on the news: murders, viral
videos, technology trends that move the masses towards what they think is knowledge about something they care about but
in reality just lead them to get involved deeper into consumism, more murders... I should stop watching the news, this
world is not healthy...
Someone called my name. I think it's my turn. I walk into the room where a nurse is ready to extract my blood. I sit down
a little anxious, not because of the fact that my blood vessels are being penetrated and my vital fluid is being extracted,
but because i am eager to go home and get lost in my own mind inside my room again, but right now i have to wait.
- "You are shaking. Is everything in order?"
The nurse asked me.
I looked down and noticed my left hand was slightly shaking. I took a deep breath and said
- "Uh. Yes, don't mind that"
The procedure went correctly. My blood was stored in a cup for further inspection. I contemplated it for a few seconds
before leaving. I was finally going home, i called a taxi where i zoned out while looking out the window. Everything looked
weird, even fake in some way, the sky looked flat, the leaves in the trees looked like fractals from afar, the people looked
remote and automated instead of colorful and concious. It reminds me of last night, the moment when i went to get some water,
the only difference is that now things look falsified instead of black...
At home my parents greet me like always. I don't really want to greet them, but i do out of courtesy, and don't get me wrong.
There is no negativity between me and my parents, it's just that i don't see the point in greeting people at all. Immediately
after organizing myself i go to my room, after doing nothing for some minutes, i feel a little lonely and bored so i open
discord on my phone, and that's the moment i remember i have no one to talk to, and all of the servers i'm in only discuss
about things i don't really care about. So i have nothing to do. I close discord and play a few songs at the same time to
keep my brain distracted and occupied while i meditate, that way i can waste some time without getting any negativity in my
mind. The songs i'm listening to are "Whatever i want" by Death Grips at 25% speed, a lounge music playlist and a meditation
frequency for meditation. I do the same thing as the last night except that now i am listening to music. I feel a mix between
Euphoria and Calmness. I am at ease for a moment. But then something feels wrong. I look at my surroundings and analyze my
situation. This is fake. My surroundings are not what they appear to be. They are subjective concepts of reality that only
are the way they are because we think they are like that. But if i think that there is, for example, if i think that there is
a tree inside the room, there will be a tree. Well, at least for me. I decide what exists or not in my perception of reality,
and i decide what is valid and what not, for example, people's emotions. Are they real, objective and valid concepts, or are
they just what i percieve they are? of course the latter. All this time i had been fooled and convinced that reality is objective
when it is just a concept made up by our brains. And our brains are the makers of our world... I have an idea.
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